One of my favorite stories is the “Two Wolves” parable. An old Cherokee chief told his grandson that there was a fight going on inside of him between two wolves — an evil wolf, and a good wolf. He explained to his grandson that everyone has this same fight going on inside of them, between our negative traits and our positive traits. When the little boy asked which wolf will win the fight, the chief replied, “The one you feed.”

We all have this fight going on — but nowadays, it tends to be between our anxious wolf, and our trusting wolf. We have both an anxious, critical, downspiraling voice, and a trusting, optimistic, calming one. Everyday, every moment, we have a choice. It has to be a conscious choice of feeding the voice that will support us, while ignoring the other one. For example, I was recently talking to a young girl who is dating and trying to find work she loves, and she said to me, “Everytime I go for an interview or go on a date, I have this disappointing negative mindset that I’ll never find work I love, or someone that’s right for me. I have trouble getting up and keeping my enthusiasm going.”  I asked her to make a list of all the things that are working in her life — starting with her health her heart beating, her lungs allowing her to take a breathe, her Master’s degree that she just completed, and her creative mind. Right there and then, we started to write a list of all the things that she takes for granted for herself. I reminded her, “So many things are working. But you’re pushing your timing, and you’re judging the fact that things have not yet fallen into place.”

This is something we all do. When things aren’t going the way we want them to go, we automatically move into our feelings of anxiety, judgment, and worry — and inevitably projects into our future.

What we need in these moments of negative flooding, is a consistent practice that reinforces the positive. This practice is paramount to any person’s success and well-being. Even when we say we’re sad or worried or lonely, we’re feeding the nasty wolf. We need to make a habit to feed the wolf that is wholesome, loving, self-supporting, and trusting. Here are three keys to help you reset:

1. Think of 5 things that went right today

Get a pen and paper, or find a friend who you can verbalize it to. Either way, it’s crucial to remind ourselves of the good things in our lives. Our voice carries power and our unconscious hears what we are saying, so by recording the good things in our lives, we start to put the unconscious on the right track. Do it before bed. It will set you up for your next day, or do it whenever you find a moment to pause.

2. Make an active list

Write a list of what you would like more of. Be specific — in your finances, your relationships, your health, your creative work, your social life, and in your overall expansion of your life. Start anchoring what you want more of, and record it with a pen and paper. You have to inform your unconscious of what you want, so it can bring it to you. It’s like setting your sails to go to your destination.

3. Get an accountability buddy

You’ll need a support system that you can rely on when your bad wolf is speaking to you, and howling. Get a support buddy that will help you feed the other wolf, so your bad wolf ends up dying of starvation (wouldn’t that be wonderful?)

If there’s one thing my mother imparted to me and my sister when we were young, it was that even when things looked like they were not working out, it was essential to trust that life was for us, and trust that we are not alone, and that there is a plan for all of us. I grew up knowing that no matter what, we have to trust ourselves, and the universe, and know that the force is working with us and for us. So get your good wolf to howl that to you, day, noon, and night!

Please share with us how you tame your bad wolf, and feed your trusting wolf! And remember, you are the master of your own wolves!

Learn more from Agapi on her website or her Instagram.

Have you ever been in a room with people who know more than you? Or with people who are more accomplished than you are? And you felt that you were lacking in some way? You might have been feeling symptoms of what I like to call “NGES”  — Not Good Enough Syndrome. When we’re surrounded by others who have more than we do, we tend to compare ourselves, and start to feel less than. In these moments, it’s important that we learn to reframe how we see ourselves in comparison to our surroundings. You can be in a room where people know more than you do, or are further ahead in their careers than you are, but that doesn’t take away from who you are, and what you have. We need to start reprogramming the very human feeling that who we are is not enough.

I don’t believe in the concept of original sin, but I believe in the concept of original human condition. The minute we are born and we take our first breath, this conditioning enters us that says “I’m not good enough.” It’s hidden in our unconscious. As a child, you might not experience it as intensely because you’re still living in the freedom of your childhood innocence and you’re so connected to your spirit. At some point, we start to question who we are, what we’ll become, and how we’ll find our footing in the world. And unfortunately, there’s no one around singing to you, “Que sera, sera.”

Depending on the “life cards” you’ve been dealt with, some are blessed with an upbringing that injects them with positive reinforcement, and some are challenged with the opposite — with negative affirmations. We all have teachers and parents that influence us. And unfortunately, the majority of people are not encouraged positively. We are often told we have to try harder, not to rock the boat, or to speak up — and we are compared to others. This reinforces our insecurities that we’re not good enough. Then, we withdraw our precious creative energy, stop trusting ourselves, and we cloak ourselves in negative self-perception. This ends up with us living in a world of scarcity. And we think, if we achieved more or had more, we would feel that we are enough. But when we think that way, our bucket becomes a bottomless pit with a leak at the bottom. No matter how much money we make or how many milestones we hit, we never feel the sense of fullness within ourselves.

Personally, I was brought up with parents who so encouraged me to be fully myself, and loved me for me, but my talents were different than my sister’s, who was an honors student. I always excelled in the arts, dancing, and acting. They never compared us to each other. I ended up going to a prestigious acting school in London, and when I graduated and went to Hollywood to pursue my acting career, but I faced a series of rejections. Somehow, everyone always said, “You’re so talented, but we don’t know what to do with you.” I started to feel that there was something wrong with me, but I had to shift my mindset. I had to backtrack and find my core, my sense of self, and find out what I wanted to do with me when Hollywood didn’t know what to do with me, and thus started the process of my healing. (If you want to read more of my story, I wrote about it explicitly in Unbinding the Heart.)

NGES is very common, and it manifests in several ways. For example, you work long hours, and you let go of the important things for your well-being, like your sleep, your nutrition, and your physical self-care. You have a constant feeling that you’re missing out on social events that you’re not invited to. When you’re not surrounded by people, you feel disconnected and lonely. What you’re really missing is the connection with yourself. You’re quick to compare yourself to people on Instagram and feel that others are living better lives than you are. Basically, you’re robbed of your joy and your internal happiness. If you feel any of these things, it’s time to look inward and start reversing the lies you’ve been telling yourself. Over time, you’ll start carving time for yourself to do the things that nurture you, because you’ll feel deserving of doing what you love.

These symptoms hold you back from your potential, and it’s up to us to shift our mindset. Here are three daily steps you can take to start feeling full in who you are:

1. Track when you first started feeling that you’re not enough

Was it an internal dialogue? A comparison to someone else? An impact from a parent or sibling or teacher or friend? Something you read in a magazine or saw online? What made you think you’re less than? Get a journal (I personally believe pen to paper unlocks the unconscious, unless you prefer the computer!) and write down all of those feelings — even the ones that surprise you.

2. Take a few minutes for self-care each day

Take a few minutes to meditate (whatever that means for you!) and shift your mindset so that you can be empowered to take on your day. You can start by listening to this meditation from my audio version of Wake Up to the Joy of You, which can help you feel more confident in yourself and be bold. And you can download all 33 of my meditations, all with different positive messages.

3. Adopt a daily mantra

Each day for 30 days, give yourself a positive affirmation that you write down first thing in the morning, to remind yourself that you are more than enough. For example, here’s one of my favorites: “I release the need to do more, be more, have more, in order to feel enough.” It’s about programming the unconscious, to get you to anchor the feeling that you are worthy and deserving.

Learn more from Agapi on her website or her Instagram.

Learn more from Agapi on her website or her Instagram.